Number 5: Farmer Harold
Farmer Harold is renowned worldwide for giving a voice to the farming community. Inflation is at an all-time high, Americans all across the country are seeing prices raise to values much too high for civilians with low wages. Harold reminds us that farmers can be self sustaining, living off their own meals, fueling their cars with vegetable oil, and denying the laws of physics. There's nothing a couple carrots can't achieve.
Farming Harold was nominated for an academy award by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences in 1928. It was given resounding testimates from...
- Warren Buffet
- DJ Khalid
- Magnus Carlsen
However, Farming Harold did not win the award, it is widely accepted that Farming Harold was snubbed, robbed by "The Photo of the Year" from National Geographic: sad baby pikachu drinking a CapriSun. If interested, you can find the photo here, you be the judge. Regardless, Farming Harold remains firmly in the hearts of all Harold fans.
Number 4: Baker Harold
During the era of ancient Egyptians, the scripture of Baker Harold was thought to be legend, merely a myth, folklore created by children to scare nonbelievers. "Impossible it is to have such a heartwarming man create baked goodies for those in need" said King Tut to his young, impressionable constituants. When researchers went back to visit Egypt's hieroglyphics today, they found documentation of these non-believers scorning the gods, for they were hurt and envious of the dimension where Baking Harold was available to those in need.
As you all know, scientists today have been successful in their attempts to synthesize Baker Harold's JPEG DNA into existance. Of course, the feat of synthesizing a Harold JPEG takes a tole on the individual who creates the image. On June 12, 1910, accomplished scientist and side hustler Mike Hunt died after fighting radiation posioning for nearly three years. His sacrifice was not in vein though, as Baker Harold smiles on all of us today with his illustrious wisk, bowl, and hat.
Number 3: Secretary Harold
Upon first glance, there's something...eerie, something offputting about Secretary Harold, and for good reason. The empty expression of Harold leaves viewers literally petrified, physically unable to escape his gaze. Secretary Harold does not let you go. Commonly, when people are in this trance they wonder "what could possibly be going on behind the curtain of those peircing eyes?" To answer that question, Secretary Harold most likely has thoughts so profound, if a human ever did get access to the information, it would alter the space-time continuum as we know it (but that's neither here nor there.). In years past, Secretary Harold mandated many victims to lock with his gaping eyes for extremely long periods of time, some were unable to voluntarily move for weeks. It was something like we've never seen. The attention demanding nature of Secretary Harold has stifled artists, historians, and other various professionals around the globe for years. The horrifying feedback from these victims caused Tim Berner- Lee to ban the distribution of all Secretary Harold files from the Internet until the mystical properties of this image were better understood. Recently, a massive breakthrough was made by a scientist Jack Mehoff, a long time member of the CIA. Jack was able to harness the power of Secretary Harold, now using his Medusa-like powers for good as cyber security. This Harold has arollercoaster of backstory, making Secretary Harold worthy of number three on the list of greatest Harolds.
Number 2: Doctor Harold
Doctor Harold is in no need for an introduction. However, if you don't know of him, Doctor Harold is known for creating or assisting in creating nearly all medicines known to mankind. Smallpox, Measles, The Plague, all tremble at the sight of Doctor Harold. Recently, Doctor Harold has gone on record and given a few problem solving pointers he uses when tackling these massive obstacles...
- Tasting: When Doctor Harold is uncertain of where to start when creating remedies for disease, he puts the infected matter into his mouth. This lets the information enter his nervous system, giving him a better understanding of the job at hand.
- Sharing with Colleagues: Several brains are better than one, Doctor Harold likes to brainstorm with his science friends for solutions! Of course, these friends never get credit for their work, as Doctor Harold would smite them to the depths of hell if one tried to rebel.
- Quitting: Life can be hard, unfair, boring... This is why when Doctor Harold think's its too much work to save a patient, he simply quits. Seems to be working for him...
Number 1: Carpenter Harold
As Harold began to age, getting into the latter years of his career, he looked back on all he had accomplished. The lives he saved, the people he inspired, he was revered by everyone. Harold knew he was in for one last hoo-rah before he was raptured into Heavens Hall of Fame™, so Harold became Carpenter Harold. Carpenter Harold built temples and shrines around the globe in his own honor, which eventually became the Harold religion we all know today.
Harold's ideology stands as the greatest way of thinking any human can adopt. The main pillars consist of respecting others, being grateful for your loved one, your health, and taking on challenges head on with an optimistic attitude. There are some naysayers, some who say that Harold is egotistical for creating giant statues of himself for people to worship. Yes, Harold is polarizing, but there's no denying his impact and the love the guides into the souls of us who believe in his greatness
From all of us on this website, thank you Harold. You continue to inspire us everyday.
